I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
They are going to name an STD after you.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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