Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
