What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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