No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
