K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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