He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I love having hate sex.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
