i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
