I need help removing her.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
