she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
