so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize