if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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