every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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