Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
