Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
