How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
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