I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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