my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
