Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize