You made me cry and you don't even care
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
