I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
