Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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