It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
