i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
