i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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