I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
