I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
