Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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