the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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