so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
