yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize