He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I need to stop coming to work sober
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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