so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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