seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
