Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize