38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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