Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
