So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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