there's paper in my vomit.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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