I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I have feelings that need drinking.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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