Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
