Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize