i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
