I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
