Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
