Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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