Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
