soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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