Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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