i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
