I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
