don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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