Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
