Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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