I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
