oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I wish I only lived at night.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize