just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize