I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
