ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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