i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
