I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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