worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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