Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
