It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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