Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
