The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize