its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I love you.
Bad choice
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