He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
