I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
