I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
