I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize