you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
