But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
