Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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