sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Another day, another engagement, another cat
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Randomize
