I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize