We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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