I think I won the penis lottery.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
