haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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