do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
