i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Pooping to opera.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
