thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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