i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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