Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Someone came in the potted fern
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
