Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
