You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
