She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
