too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
