can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize