Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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