someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
