I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
