remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
