There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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