just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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