I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
