Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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