Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
