My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
