some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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