9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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