every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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