My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
